I know I haven’t been in touch for quite a while, and it’s been for a good reason …I’ve had a few hiccups – let me explain, I have always been a little too quick to mouth
Mrs P and Beloved have worked hard to attain a ‘softer mouth’ sometimes to no avail
Then there is the jumping up issue, which I’m mostly in control of … “Paws on the floor” is my command to stop this behaviour, but a few weeks ago – about the time I was booked in for … ‘The Snip’ my behaviour became quite erratic, and after the op well I just went totally down hill I was jumping up, mouthing really hard, almost to the point of biting, every time I went for a walk I would be VERY unpredictable, so much so Mrs P couldn’t take me out on her own I was knocking her over, rearing up, and her arms were so bruised she looked as if she had been attacked by a bear.
‘Dog Training Lady’ has really been championing my cause, giving Mrs P the phone numbers of a behaviorist, and how to up my training to contain the situation – I’m just about muzzle trained now, I think we may be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out my lead rattled my ‘Lampshade of Shame’ causing noise sensitivity, I’m not very good at handling adrenalin / excitement AND the major culprit of my down hill slide ??? FOOD yes that’s right FOOD I’m on a natural holistic dried dog food but Mrs P and Beloved were supplementing my diet with the UK’s market leader of canned food which turns out to have 38% animal derivatives which I really can’t cope with
Mrs P is back to walking me alone, my behaviour has improved significantly, don’t get me wrong I still charge about like a bull in a china shop, I steal the cats bed when ever I can oh and I still have a MAHOOSIVE passion for horse poo I even had a taste of cattle poo YUMMY …. BUT … things are looking good 🙂
My it’s been a super busy week, firstly I had a go at cocking my leg ….tricky business so I’m leaving that one for a while before I try again, then to my major astonishment my …now how do I phrase this delicately so as not to offend ….I think this may cover it …my ‘plums’ have dropped !!!
Now I have testosterone flowing freely, I seem to have lost all ability to think/function/behave
On the plus side my dancing is coming on a treat, I’ve learnt a few steps, and Mrs P said there is a fun dog show in a month or so at the public house next door that I can enter … if I can stop listening to the wasp of more than 5 minuets
Mrs P is in a bit of a quandary ….I’m keeping quiet here’s why
She bought me some peanut butter to put into my kong along with lots of other yummy stuff
Anyhoo she mixed up a batch of biscuits, dog meat, cheese, and veggies, put a dollop of peanut butter to make it all gooey & sticky… (Mmmmmm…. oops sorry I digress) gave it a good stir then she decided a little more was needed, so delved into the jar for just a tad more thus completing my delicious canapé, at that Beloved shouted through to the kitchen…..” Don’t put the spoon back in the jar will you, it’s ages since I’ve had any ….. I’ll have morsel latter”
At this point she turned to me with such a look and exclaimed “OMG Do I buy another jar? keep quiet? or tell Beloved too late the spoon covered in dog food has already been back in the jar?”
Like I’m going to party to THAT conversation !!!!
Now I have found my feet at ‘The Cottage On The Green’ so to speak I thought I’d take this opportunity to interview my big sister …. Neurotic Cat
Me …Welcome to my blog Neurotic Cat, is it OK if I ask you a few questions about your life, career and time at ‘The Cottage’ ?
Cat … Thank you for the invite, of course ask away
Me… So Neurotic Cat how long have you lived at the cottage ?
Cat … I arrived exactly a year ago, from the next village, I was being bullied by my fellow felines and was becoming very anxious causing me to over groom, old mum knew Mrs P & Beloved were looking for a new cat after the loss of their much-loved puss, and the rest as they say is history
Me…. Were you the only pet at ‘The Cottage’ ?
Cat …No, Old Dog was still around then, a great brute of a rottweiler like you are going to be
Me ….I’m Head Of Security, do you have a job ?
Cat … Of course…I guard Beloveds Man Cave
Me …I know you are my BIG sister, but you’re not bigger than me, so I presume you are waayyyy older than me ?
Cat … I’m 5, I’ll never be bigger than you, but I’m still your boss
Me…( We’ll see about that Miss Know it all ) How come you get to sleep on a Victorian nursing chair in Mrs P’s & Beloveds bedroom ?
Cat … Awww bless, you have sooo much to learn, it’s MY chair-room that happens to have a bed in it that Mrs P & Beloved sleep in
Me … Will I ever get to sleep in your chair-room ?
Cat … No
Me .. Why doesn’t Mrs P ever take you for a walk ?
Cat … I’m independent, and I’m sensible enough to be allowed out alone
Me …Will I ever be able to go out alone ?
Cat … No
Me .. Can I ask why you are ……………Like where are you going ?? you can’t just walk off ……. for your information cat you were boring me first !!!!!!
… I think we are done here, you are not nearly as much fun as I thought you would be, unless your up the tree and I’m sat at the bottom waiting for you to run the gauntlet to get to the kitchen door first
While Mrs P endeavoured to write on Her Own blog
I stole she gave me the postal packaging to tear up,
I threw the remains of a padded envelope at her, when her face drained of colour, there was blood all over my handy work.
She made me sit down and went through the ‘Vet Examination’ scenario we have been learning at training and checked me over, then she politely
ordered asked me to stay while she scrambled about on the rug, after what seemed an age she jumped up,holding her arm aloft …you know ‘Game Of Thrones’ style
So what was all the fuss about
Mrs P doesn’t seem at all worried, is the woman MAD !!! does she know something I don’t ????
Are all my teeth going to fall out??…will I need dentures?? ….will I never again enjoy gnawing loudly on a bone while she’s watching TV telling me to shush??
I’m off to e-mail Cesar Millan to find out what on earth is happening
Mrs P and Beloved took me to visit First-Born over in Derbyshire, where I met up with his livestock
Nigel took himself off to the front room for 40 winks, boy can that guy snore, so much so I took myself off outside to escape the noise
To my great amazement Matilda Cat had brought First- Born a present, a half chewed disembowelled mouse YUMMY !!!!! I just had to do what any pup forced into that situation would do, and you wouldn’t believe the commotion that ensued, I was perused around the dinning room table, and finally cornered at this point I performed my piest de resistance and swallowed the darn thing much to every ones disgust
You will be pleased to know there were no side effects … well not quite