I’m Turning Over A New Leaf …Possibly

I know I haven’t been in touch for quite a while, and it’s been for a good reason …I’ve had a few hiccups – let me explain, I have always been a little too quick to mouth

Even as a tiny puppy my first instinct was to put teeth on skin - which is a MAJOR NO !!

Even as a tiny puppy my first instinct was to put teeth on skin – which is a MAJOR NO !!

Mrs P and Beloved have worked hard to attain a ‘softer mouth’ sometimes to no avail
Then there is the jumping up issue, which I’m mostly in control of … “Paws on the floor” is my command to stop this behaviour, but a few weeks ago – about the time I was booked in for … ‘The Snip’ my behaviour became quite erratic, and after the op well I just went totally down hill I was jumping up, mouthing really hard, almost to the point of biting, every time I went for a walk I would be VERY unpredictable, so much so Mrs P couldn’t take me out on her own I was knocking her over, rearing up, and her arms were so bruised she looked as if she had been attacked by a bear.

‘Dog Training Lady’ has really been championing my cause, giving Mrs P the  phone numbers of a behaviorist, and how to up my training to contain the situation – I’m just about muzzle trained now, I think we may be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out my lead rattled my ‘Lampshade of Shame’  causing noise sensitivity, I’m not very good at handling adrenalin / excitement AND the major culprit of my down hill slide ??? FOOD yes that’s right FOOD I’m on a natural holistic dried dog food but Mrs P and Beloved were supplementing my diet with the UK’s market leader of canned food which turns out to have 38% animal derivatives which I really can’t cope with

This food is now banned for me, and good riddance I say

This food is now banned for me, and good riddance I say

Mrs P is back to walking me alone, my behaviour has improved significantly, don’t get me wrong I still charge about like a bull in a china shop, I steal the cats bed when ever I can oh and I still have a MAHOOSIVE passion for horse poo I even had a taste of cattle poo YUMMY …. BUT … things are looking good 🙂

Busy Wasp

My it’s been a super busy week, firstly I had a go at cocking my leg ….tricky business so I’m leaving that one for a while before I try again,  then to my major astonishment my …now how do I phrase this delicately so as not to offend ….I think this may cover it …my ‘plums’  have dropped !!!

OMGoodness my face when I realised have full boy bits !!!!!

My OMGoodness my face when I realised have full boy bits !!!!! Mrs P said don’t get too attached to them the v.e.t. will be claiming them before too long, not sure where she is going with that one !!

Now I have testosterone flowing freely, I seem to have lost all ability to think/function/behave

Mrs P said there must be a wasp flying around in my brain & I'm too busy trying to keep track of it that I 'forget' what it is I'm suppose to be doing

Mrs P said there must be a wasp flying around in my brain & I’m too busy trying to keep track of it that I ‘forget’ what it is I’m suppose to be doing,

On the plus side my dancing is coming on a treat, I’ve learnt a few steps, and Mrs P said there is a fun dog show in a month or so at the public house next door that I can enter … if I can stop listening to the wasp of more than 5 minuets

Please Don’t Involve Me

Mrs P is in a bit of a quandary ….I’m keeping quiet here’s why

She bought me some peanut butter to put into my kong along with lots of other yummy stuff

Come on Mrs P don't stand there taking photos give me my kong already !!!!

Come on Mrs P don’t stand there taking photos give me my kong already !!!!

Anyhoo she mixed up a batch of biscuits, dog meat, cheese, and veggies, put a dollop of peanut butter to make it all gooey & sticky… (Mmmmmm…. oops sorry I digress)  gave it a good stir then she decided a little more was needed, so delved into the jar for just a tad more thus completing my delicious canapé, at that Beloved shouted through to the kitchen…..” Don’t put the spoon back in the jar will you, it’s ages since I’ve had any ….. I’ll have morsel latter”

At this point she turned to me with such a look and exclaimed  “OMG  Do I buy another jar? keep quiet? or tell Beloved too late the spoon covered in dog food has already been back in the jar?”

Like I’m going to party to THAT conversation !!!!

I've taken myself off to my man cave and am refusing  to even make eye contact with her

I’ve taken myself off to my man cave and am refusing to even make eye contact with her 

 

Interview with My Big Sister

Now I have found my feet  at ‘The Cottage On The Green’ so to speak I thought I’d take this opportunity to interview my big sister …. Neurotic Cat

Neurotic Cat on her very first day at 'The Cottage On The Green'

Neurotic Cat on her very first day at ‘The Cottage On The Green’

Me …Welcome to my blog Neurotic Cat,  is it OK if I ask you a few questions about your life, career and time at ‘The Cottage’ ?

Cat … Thank you for the invite, of course ask away

Me… So  Neurotic Cat how long have you lived at the cottage ?

Cat  … I arrived exactly a year ago, from the next village, I was being bullied by my fellow felines and was becoming very anxious causing me to over groom, old mum knew Mrs P & Beloved were looking for a new cat after the loss of their much-loved puss, and the rest as they say is history

Me…. Were you the only pet at ‘The Cottage’ ?

Cat …No, Old Dog was still around then, a great brute of a rottweiler like you are going to be

Me ….I’m Head Of Security, do you have a job ?

Cat … Of course…I guard Beloveds Man Cave

From my vantage point I can supervise all the goings on

From my vantage point I can supervise all the goings on, NO ONE and I mean no one gets past me

Me …I know you are my BIG sister, but you’re not bigger than me, so I presume you are waayyyy older than me ?

Cat … I’m 5, I’ll never be bigger than you, but I’m still your boss

Me…( We’ll see about that Miss Know it all ) How come you get to sleep on a Victorian nursing chair in Mrs P’s & Beloveds bedroom ?

Cat … Awww bless, you have sooo much to learn, it’s MY chair-room that happens to have a bed in it that Mrs P & Beloved sleep in

Me … Will I ever get to sleep in your chair-room ?

Cat … No

Me .. Why doesn’t Mrs P ever take you for a walk ?

Cat … I’m independent, and I’m sensible enough to be allowed out alone

Me …Will I ever be able to go out alone ?

Cat … No

Me .. Can I ask why you are ……………Like where are you going ?? you can’t just walk off ……. for your information cat you were boring me first !!!!!!

… I think we are done here, you are not nearly as much fun as I thought you would be, unless your up the tree and I’m sat at the bottom waiting for you to run the gauntlet to get to the kitchen door first

Tearing It Up

While Mrs P endeavoured to write on Her Own blog I stole she gave me the postal packaging to tear up,

I did an awesome job on shredding the packaging don't you think

I did an awesome job on shredding the packaging don’t you think

I threw the remains of a padded envelope at her, when her face drained of colour, there was blood all over my handy work.
She made me sit down and went through the ‘Vet Examination’ scenario we have been learning at training and checked me over, then she politely ordered asked me to stay while she scrambled about on the rug, after what seemed an age she jumped up,holding her arm aloft …you know ‘Game Of Thrones’ style

So what was all the fuss about

Man Alive I've lost my first tooth

Man Alive I’ve lost my first tooth, what’s all this about, PANIC

Mrs P doesn’t seem at all worried, is the woman MAD !!! does she know something I don’t ????

Are all my teeth going to fall out??…will I need dentures?? ….will I never again enjoy gnawing loudly on a bone while she’s watching TV telling me to shush??

I’m off to e-mail Cesar Millan to find out what on earth is happening

You Ate What !!!!

Mrs P and Beloved took me to visit First-Born over in Derbyshire, where I met up with his livestock

I'd like you to meet Nigel and Matilda Cat

I’d like you to meet Nigel and Matilda Cat, obviously they have to share the only patch of sunlight available

Nigel took himself off to the front room for 40 winks, boy can that guy snore, so much so I took myself off outside to escape the noise

To my great amazement Matilda Cat had brought First- Born a present, a half chewed disembowelled mouse YUMMY !!!!! I just had to do what any pup forced into that situation would do, and you wouldn’t believe the commotion that ensued, I was perused around the dinning room table, and finally cornered at this point I performed my  piest de resistance and swallowed the darn thing much to every ones disgust

You will be pleased to know there were no side effects  … well not quite

During the night A HORSE no less broke into the house and left a HUGE pile of manure on the kitchen floor where I was sleeping ...ruddy cheek

During the night A HORSE no less broke into the house and left a HUGE pile of manure on the kitchen floor where I was sleeping …

Ruddy cheek